When we discovered that leaving our comfortable Oahu home, moving to the Big Island and renting a house next door to where we thought we would be working, was not as a secure step for our family as it had first appeared, I confess that I felt betrayed.
We knew all along there would be sacrifices. No more custom hickory kitchen cabinets and lots of counter space, no more jacuzzi tub, no more tiled bathroom that Rebekah and I designed. Oh, and my lemon tree heavy laden with beautiful yellow gems, and the garden (sigh), not to mention close by costco. The children had to face leaving their own bedrooms, family, friends and city bus transportation that could quickly get them to their favorite places.
Early on I had wrestled over the whole idea. Leaving civilized Oahu for the unknown of the Big Island’s country side to pursue HOPE INC’s dream of helping more of the children who stand alone in the system had many uncertainties. Putting the uncertainties aside the passion behind the vision we carried for many years to create a healing place on a farm for neglected and abused children made us willing to proceed by faith. So to the Big Island we came.
And we had thought living on Oahu was third world, haha, now costco is a three hours drive and we don’t even have mail delivery. If you need our postal address, just write to us at General Delivery, Mountain View Hawaii 96771. It took months to get internet which is intermittent and slow and we have terrible cell phone coverage. But the sunrises and the view from the second story of this rental house are inspiring. At night the frogs create unexplainable music and mornings are serenaded by a symphony of birds. Other than an occasional dog bark or passing car this is a quiet place….. until the kids gather in the kitchen. (smile)
As for the farm next door that we were led to believe would provide a place for the fulfillment of the dream, it is still there but we are not. Broken promises speak of betrayal. Hope deferred makes the heart sick….. my heart was sick. (Proverbs 13:12) I felt betrayed! Betrayed by people, betrayed by God. Yes, my heart was so broken that I admit that for a time I felt God had betrayed me. At the same time I was so thankful that my relationship with God my father was intimate enough that I could admit to HIM that I felt HE had betrayed me and not fear that HE would strike me with lightening for being mad at HIM.
Of course each of us have broken many promises to others and to God. Fortunately we have been forgiven and life goes on. What seems like it could be the end of our world has a way of healing itself. And I am thankful to now be on the other side of betrayal. If I look back over the months I see so many things that have impacted our lives and others lives in such powerful ways that may not have happened if we were not here.
When I found myself in that awkward place of total uncertainty I had not other choice but to spend more time on my knees at the feet of Jesus. My Martha personality had to give into to the ways of Mary. I can’t count the wonderful “Mary Moments” I have enjoyed since. Positioning myself in this quiet place to hear from the Lord has not only brought peace I can’t describe with words (Romans 5:1) but a new confidence that I didn’t think I’d ever have.
When Randy and I agreed that God had not brought us out here just to take us back again we knew it wouldn’t be easy but that we decided to stay. The easy thing for our family would have been to pack up and head back to Oahu and our comfortable house, which by the way still hasn’t sold. But as we heard about more and more children standing alone in foster care with out a forever stable loving family to be connected to for life we asked God for HIS strength and provision to stay. HE has provided and we are still here.
During our time here some exciting things have occurred. Things that I am anxious to share with you. But you’ll have to wait for future blogs. The birds are singing and this day will begin to move very quickly. I am preparing to go to Kauai and Oahu next week to teach foster and adoptive parents about how to live with the children we are committed to love but don’t always like. (smile) Admit it, we don’t always like these precious gifts! For the training dates and locations please see the web site or call 808-230-2445.
And I also have kids who are getting off to school, work, therapy and Praise the Lord I also get to spend time with one of our many grandchildren. I am blessed to be on the sweet side of betrayal and I thank the Lord that I did not allow my broken heart to turn bitter. Our passion and desire to establish a healing place for traumatized children on agricultural property is growing even stronger. The Lord has kept our HOPE alive! If you have a dream don’t lose heart but wait on the Lord who will renew your strength. (Psalm 138:3)
Hope differed make the heart sick: but when the desire come, it is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12